In Search Of (ISO) (he mau – many) māmā aloha ʻāina

This seems so obvious in some ways, but here we go!

There comes a time when enough is enough, and we make that change, that commitment, take that action to do something. I think I have been there for longer than I let myself realize, but was also simultaneously trying to set the kāhua.

With that said…

Are you a mākuahine? Do you aloha ʻāina? Do you care about the future Hawaiʻi for our keiki and generations to come?

If you answered yes to the above, let’s ban together to join our māmā aloha ʻāina power for our keiki.

Why mākuahine? As mākuahine, māmā, we have a distinct sense of urgency to make space, be safe, for our keiki. And let’s not forget about ourselves!

Aloha ʻāina – this comes in many forms, and is likely a lifelong journey. But perhaps the most important tenet here is that we acknowledge ʻāina (not only land, but also wai, kai, all encompassing) and continue to develop our pilina with ʻāina.

I don’t have any specific actions in mind right now, other than us coming together and developing a network of māmā who I know will be able to create change that we seek in whatever spaces we are holding. This is yet another unique quality about being a māmā: we do it all! As a fellow māmā reminded me, the Hawaiʻi we have today is what it is because people stood up to protect her.

Confession: I have been feeling like I have been failing.

In light of all that is happening with the coronavirus, and the various issues at play, one would think that now is the time for public health experts to shine. This is a public health issue. One would also think that now it is the time for social justice advocates to shine because we desperately need some social justice up in here.

Public health and social justice advocate are descriptors that I would say I aspire to be. So now is the time for me to put my training and knowledge to work, and activate. Right?!

Instead, I have been struggling just to process all that is going on. And for this, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not being able to jump into action sooner.

But I also know that I need to be more forgiving to myself. I have acted. I, too, am human. I, too, have a lot on my plate. And what good is it if I’m helping the world, but leaving myself and my ʻohana at the door.

I anticipate that this will be an on-going process of needing to pause from time to time to check-in with myself and ensure that my needs and my ʻohana’s needs are cared for. However, now I feel myself switching gears.

And activate!

True to my process, I have been observing, absorbing, and digesting as best as possible all that has been occurring. The daily updates and developments are overwhelming in itself, at times. Nevertheless, I feel a couple of ideas bubbling up as to ways that I can be most helpful and serve the lāhui.

But I also would like to know your manaʻo. How can I best serve you? How can I help?

It is March 25, 2020 and we are still trying to wrap our heads around the chaos that spun out from the coronavirus pandemic. So many thoughts have been flooding my mind as I try to come to grips with how we got to where we are now, how much longer things may be this way, and if this is our new normal. Now, more than ever, I am realizing the need for me to truly practice self care, and focus on the health and wellness of myself and my ʻohana.

I think today may be day #13 since we’ve been limiting our time outside of the house with the exception of going to the grocery store, and this one time that we went to the part before the parks were officially closed. We’ve celebrated my daughter’s 5th birthday. And yet, I am not sure where to begin the roller coaster of emotions that I’ve been feeling.

But let’s try taking a look back a just a short week and a half ago.

Friday, March 13th — this was two of my daughters’ last day of school before spring break.

Spring break was originally scheduled for the week of March 16-20. So although we mainly stayed home during this time, it still felt like we were on spring break in a sense and not too much outside of what would’ve been our “normal.”

Then spring break got extended.

Up until this point, and even up until March 20 or so, I thought that our government officials wasn’t taking enough action to try to protect us from the virus spreading even further. I continue to believe that a complete shut down of everything, and cancelling everything like bills, would be the best steps to take to get us back to our “normal” lives and HEALTHY!

March 21 – I remember feeling paranoid that I might have shortness of breath. When I settled into these thoughts and took a moment to really check-in with what my body was telling me, I was fine. But it was my mind that was worried.

March 23 – I don’t recall ever being so upset, absolutely beyond livid, with our government and their lack of action. Until this moment on this day.

March 23 – 24 – I learned that I needed to step back from social media and the online updates and news conferences.

Today, March 25, I am feeling a bit more like myself again. I am choosing to truly focus on my health and wellness and the health and wellness of my ʻohana. For me, this means focusing on things that fill me up: reading, writing, time with ʻohana, cooking, hana noʻeau, singing, dancing, and making art.

Due to the nature of how the coronavirus is spreading, and recommended measures of social distancing and stay at home orders, we are connecting in other ways like never before. It is especially challenging for me, although I am an introvert, to try to have genuine and meaningful connection over a screen/internet.

I find strength in looking to my kūpuna, our long-standing generational history of resistance from kūʻē petitions, and even looking to the beauty and aloha of communities coming together in these times to ensure that keiki to kūpuna do not go hungry.

While I still try to assess my goals–because how do I even plan in times like these?–or even try to plan for our ʻohana, I am reminded of the importance in ensuring that our keiki know that they are safe, loved, and that everything will be ok.

This week, kiaʻi (protectors) at Maunakea have stood in protection of her. In case you have not yet seen what has been happening at Maunakea, please go ahead and google or find updates to learn more.

I posted this on my personal facebook page, and wanted to share my manaʻo here.
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Fumbling to find the right words, but feel the need to share.

It is an understatement to say that these passed few days have been difficult. So many emotions. I also find myself fighting the urge to not feel validated in my feelings because I feel some what disconnected and my naʻau and being are with the kiaʻi at Maunakea while watching from Oʻahu. But really, comparing that “so and so” has it worse so I shouldn’t grumble doesn’t apply. All are valid.

It is astonishing, if that is even the right word, to watch things unfold through social media or however possible from Oʻahu. In a way, I am thankful for the live feeds, but it also seems that it kinda re-plays the trauma in watching the replays or seeing the shared videos, pictures, posts over and over again. And yet, this trauma is still on-going.

Part of me feels that this is “go” time, and at this point everyone has decided where they stand on this issue. Even indifference is a decision. But, perhaps this is not an accurate conclusion. Instead, I would like to invite all to continue to educate yourself on this issue and decide for yourself. Continue to follow along and watch as how the State of Hawaiʻi treats Hawaiʻi’s native peoples, Native Hawaiians. Side note–not all in opposition of the TMT are Native Hawaiian, btw. As you are doing this, I ask you consider the following:

– who does the TMT benefit?
– is it ok to develop and build a project at any cost?
– where is the value of Hawaiʻi’s indigenous people?
– where is the value of Hawaiʻi’s ʻike kūpuna (indigenous knowledge)?
– why did the Governor sign an emergency declaration when nothing but peaceful protests have occurred?
– how does TMT impact the health and well-being of Native Hawaiians?
– when is it ok to arrest kūpuna (elders) who are simply exercising their first amendment right?
– when is enough enough?

I also invite conversation and dialogue with those interested.

One thing that I was reminded of today was the importance to aloha kekahi i kekahi, love one another. Especially in these passed few days, I have been immersed in simultaneously trying to figure out what I can do to kākoʻo, caring for my babies, and buried in my phone with trying to keep up with updates and what is happening. I need to do better at this as I know I have been less than patient with my kids as I am trying to stay afloat with processing all that is going on. Even in this lesson, I can’t help but see parallels between how the State treats kūpuna and Native Hawaiians, and how it treats our sacred mauna, Maunakea. That is not how I treat my kūpuna, our ʻāīna.

As painful, sad, and the heavy feelings are overwhelming, I am also uplifted seeing the strength of our kiaʻi, our lāhui. I have always been proud to be Hawaiian, but this pride continues to swell within me this week. Mahalo to the kiaʻi, especially those on the front lines, and aloha nui.

I find strength from my kūpuna who signed the Kūʻē Petitions. I also find strength in wanting a better future for my keiki and future generations to come.

I’m not sure where to begin, but in case you are reading this and didn’t know, many of Hawaiʻi’s natural and cultural resources need our protection. In particular, there is a thirty-meter telescope (“TMT”) that just received a “notice to proceed” from the State of Hawaiʻi (“State”) to be built atop Maunakea, a sacred space for Hawaiʻi’s native people. With such strong opposition and turmoil against TMT being built on Maunakea, a simple solution is available since the Canary Islands has stated that it would accept TMT.

There is so much running through my mind while simultaneously trying to deal with the most recent events related to TMT. I think of my kūpuna who opposed the illegal annexation. I think of kūpuna who were scolded and banned from speaking ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi in schools. I think of my own ʻohana in just trying to make ends meet, while also wanting ʻāina to grow food to feed our growing babies. At the same time, I think of the many successes that we have fought hard for as a lāhui. I think of the laws that are in place to protect Hawaiʻi’s natural and cultural resources. But yet, in a way, a helpless feeling overcomes me in feeling like the rug is being pulled from under us.

A recent press conference that included the State’s Governor, an Attorney General, and other government officials, continues to baffle me. Many of those officials who spoke at this conference seemed to repeat some version of assurance regarding allowing protectors to continue to exercise their first amendment right, the right of speech. It was as if allowing the protectors to continue to exercise this first amendment right is enough. As if there is no violation of law because there is no infringement upon this first amendment right. Further, this baffles me because, my manaʻo is that these protectors are not merely on the mauna to hold signs and express their opposition to the TMT being built. They are there to be heard. They are demonstrating their opposition by using their bodies to stop construction of the TMT. Time and time again, at various hearings, people have shown up in masses to show their opposition to this project being built atop Maunakea. But yet, construction is set to begin next week.

Up until this point, I felt myself hold back with regards to Maunakea. I think I held back because I didn’t want to be seen as an extremist conspiracy theorist crazy person. I think I also held back because I remain hopeful that things would not get this far. However, due to recent events I feel encouraged to raise my voice and share my manaʻo.

With my educational background in public health and law, I especially focus in on what is happening with Maunakea as it impacts public health. My specific interests and work has been in Native Hawaiian health, but really what is good for Native Hawaiian health is generally good for the health of all.

For me it is quite simple: Maunakea is sacred, and continuing desecration atop Maunakea will result in perpetuating and increasing poor Native Hawaiian health outcomes. When people refer to TMT as genocide, it is because it is known that Maunakea is sacred to Native Hawaiians. It is known that relationship to ʻāina and cultural practices, to name a few, are Native Hawaiian determinants of health. These things are known, but yet the State and developers continue to bulldoze through to move forward with building TMT.

Cumulatively, I am left with the following as a result of events and actions that have taken place related to TMT:

• Hawaiians do not matter.
• The supposed benefits of building TMT outweighs all costs, not only monetary costs but also depletion of resources and people.
• Laws and process do not need to be followed by the State or developers.
• The State’s improper management of Maunakea and broken promises of just one telescope does not matter with regards to pushing TMT forward.
• Develop Hawaiʻi and deplete its resources.

As much as we are trying to heal and continue to make progress as a lāhui since the illegal overthrow of the Hawaiian kingdom, TMT seems to be a current day event that will re-traumatize our people. The historical trauma continues. Can you imagine the impact this will have with TMT taking 10 years to be built? Can you imagine the impact this will have for our keiki?

The way things are currently headed is not the Hawaiʻi that I want for my keiki or future generations. I do not want my keiki to be pushed out of Hawaiʻi because of the lack of water. I envision a Hawaiʻi that values its natural and cultural resources, including its people. I envision a Hawaiʻi that is a leader for the world on sustainable living and adapting to a changing world, especially in light of climate change. I envision a Hawaiʻi WITHOUT TMT on Maunakea.

What future Hawaiʻi do you want for our keiki and future generations to come?