We are filled with so much love, gratitude, and yummy new baby snuggles as we welcomed our third child on June 3 at 3:49am.  In hopes of capturing the magic of baby’s birth, here is baby’s birth story.

Baby’s due date was June 2.  On this day, I went to my regularly scheduled appointment with my midwife.  After many suspicions (by family, co-workers, and even strangers) that I was “ready to pop,” it seemed that perhaps I could be pregnant for another week.  I wasn’t too worried at the time, especially after seeing my midwife and verifying that we–both baby and I–were healthy.  In fact, I was actually selfishly enjoying my “alone” time in preparing for baby’s arrival.

Pictures of some of the “baby prep” that I was able to accomplish before baby joined us earthside–converted our cloth diapers to snaps, made a blanket for baby with ʻohe kapala, and re-arranged/cleaned-up our house to make space for baby.

Later that evening, we went to celebrate my cousin’s graduation party.  Symptomatic of the unique time period as one is anticipating baby’s arrival, I knew that we didn’t want to stay out too late in case baby would make his/her arrival.  And we all know it is key to rest as much as possible before baby comes.

We got home at a decent hour and went to bed like any other day.  Around 12:15am, I was awaken from my sleep from what I thought felt like contractions.  Trying to stay calm and not get too excited, I tried to go back to sleep while also trying to “monitor” to see if this was the real deal.  Contractions steadily came every 10-15 minutes.  At 1:05am, when I was “due” for another contraction that didn’t come when I was expecting it, I thought to myself, “ok, go back to sleep.  Baby isn’t coming now.”  At 1:06am, I heard a pop–my water broke as I was having another contraction.

It was then that I knew that this was the real deal.

I went to the bathroom, wiped up a little, and then woke up my husband.  I told him, “ok…are you ready?”  He thought I was joking.  Not like I joke about that kind of thing, but meh.  Hah!  I went back to the bed to try to rest through the contractions as my husband started making preparations for baby’s arrival.  He called our midwife and my mom, who had kuleana to come and pick up our girls.

Contractions came steadily, increasing in frequency and intensity.  I focused on my breathing and tried to apply all of the different tools that we learned to sustain the “marathon.”  As much as I tried to not pay attention to what my husband was doing, I could hear him on the phone with my midwife as the contractions progressed quickly.

My midwife arrived at our place around 3am.  By this point, the contractions were pretty intense.  I was starting to get nervous because I didn’t anticipate that my contractions would intensify so quickly, and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to sustain such intensity for too much longer.  In consideration of the length of my labors with my first two kids (ranging from 12-15 or so hours), I thought that baby would make his/her arrival around 10am at the earliest.

But I persisted.  I focused on my breathing.  I usually remain quiet because I see it as trying to preserve every ounce of energy possible, but I needed to moan.  Deep voice moaning as I exhaled.  Deep cleansing breath in between contractions.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Deep belly breaths.  Thinking to myself, “you’re doing it.  You’re that much closer.  Lean in.  Release.  Let go.”

Apparently I was loud enough where my youngest daughter woke up.  Uh oh.  My mom was supposed to be here already.  Although this didn’t necessarily go as planned, I couldn’t let myself worry about this.  Somehow it all worked out and my husband was able to juggle our youngest daughter while also getting the tub ready.

I thought I was about to crawl out of my skin.  But my midwife was there to support me.  Her reassuring voice was just the motivation I needed to keep going.  She told me, “you got it.”  I had asked if the tub was ready because I knew I was ready to get in the tub and was hoping for some relief.  Meanwhile, I could hear my husband going back and forth to the shower to halihali water to the tub.  He came to me to ask me if I needed anything, and all I could blurt out was, “is it (the tub) ready yet?”  Again, my midwife assured me that we would go into the tub just after one more contraction.  One more.  One at a time.

That last contraction that came before I moved to the tub I thought for sure that baby was coming.  The thought even crossed my mind that I was going to have baby on the bed and I wouldn’t even make it to the tub.  The contraction came and went, and I was out of the bed so quick to jump in the tub.

Phew!  I made it to the tub.  Relief.  Even though the water was shallow, and perhaps it’s all in my head, but I found a renewed sense of determination (I guess you could call it) after getting in the tub.

As soon as I got into the tub, I felt my body pushing.  This was different, yet similar, to what I’ve experienced with prior births.  To a certain extent, there’s the conscious effort to push baby out.  But for the most part, the body knows what to do and pushes baby out without trying.  The big rush of energy is an added layer of intensity within itself.  Surrender.  I remember thinking, “Yes!  You did it!  We made it to the tub.  Let it happen.”  As my body was pushing baby out I remember saying out loud, “oh yes!”  So many emotions were flowing through me, in addition to the powerful energy of what felt like the earth that was about to flow through and out of me.

Contractions continued and with every wave of energy, baby came closer and closer to joining us earthside.  I felt baby’s head getting closer and closer.  One more contraction and baby’s head was out.  At this point I knew we were just about there.  Relief.  One more contraction and baby was born.

Uniquely, as we have noted with every birth so far now looking at it hindsight, this baby came tumbling out (in comparison to my other children–one came swimming out).  I picked baby up from out of the water and put baby on my chest.  As I picked baby up, I immediately saw “extra” parts between his legs.  OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!  IT’S A BOY!!!!!!!!!

We were so surprised!!!  In fact, we are still trying to digest that we have a SON!

Soon after pulling baby up to my chest, he started suckling and starting to breastfeed.  It is my personal belief that the immediate skin-to-skin contact is so positively influential in supporting breastfeeding.  Shortly after, my placenta came out.

So to re-cap, my water broke at 1:06am and baby was born at 3:49am.  Approximately a 2.5 hour labor.  My quickest labor BY FAR.

Other than that, we have been slowly catching up and continue to try to process all that just happened.  Not only was it a quick labor, but we were also surprised that baby is a boy!

However, as I anticipated, we are so in love.

2017!!!  Year of new beginnings!  Exciting things ahead!

Here are my goals, wishes, and dreams for the upcoming year (not listed in order of priority):

1. Have a healthy baby
2. Balancing all that is māmā life
3. Healthy ʻohana
4. Buy a house!!!

What are your goals for 2017?

This post raises a bunch of different issues that may seem unrelated, but I think they are related with regards to what we want our society, our environment, our story to be.

I had the honor of being in Professor Mari Matsuda’s class while I was attending law school.  The class was called, “Organization for Social Change.”  Aside from the formal lessons of the class, I also learned things from Professor Matsuda more on an informal basis (or not necessarily part of the syllabus).

During one of our classes, Professor Matsuda described how it is a shame that we will have to teach our daughters that they cannot trust everyone that they meet.

I don’t think I really understood what Professor Matsuda was describing when she first mentioned it.  But, after further thought, and from my personal experience, what she described continues to have deeper and deeper meaning for me.

On a separate, but related note, there was recently an “potentially armed person” who was at or near the University of Hawaiʻi.  In response to the alert received about this danger, my daughter’s school took necessary precautions and practiced safety protocols to ensure that they would be safe in the event of such an intruder.  After a couple of hours after the alert was sent, the person was apprehended.

I am thankful that the person was caught before anyone was hurt.  I am thankful that my daughter’s school practiced safety protocols.  I am thankful that my daughter’s school knows what to do to be safe.  But at the same time, it is core-shakenly disturbing that this is what we need to teach our keiki nowadays.

And this may seem like a far reach of how the issue of big corporations scooping up natural (limited) resources and disregarding the community’s voice, but for me, it is all the same:  enough already.  No means no.  People over profits.  I don’t want to have to tell my keiki that we cannot drink water because it was diverted to keep the grass green on a golf course.  I don’t want my keiki to live in fear because of new the norm of increasingly more hurricanes every year due to climate change.  I don’t want to have to tell my keiki that profits are more important than people.

That is NOT the society that I want our keiki to live in.  That is NOT the environment that I want our keiki to live in.  That is NOT the story that I want to tell our keiki.

What kind of society do you want for the generations to come?  What kind of environment do you want for our children to live in?

I feel that I’ve reached a point in my life, especially with this year being a milestone birthday year, where I keep asking myself, “who are you?”  Sometimes this kind of question is a great opportunity for (re-)discovery, but it can also be daunting and cause a lot of anxiety.

It’s not that I care a whole lot as to what others may think of me, but I could see how someone could see the things that I am involved with, my interests, what I aspire to be, etc., and think that I am all over the place.  And, in most cases, we are our own worse critic.  But really, I think this really helps define who I am, or who I aspire to be.

I recently drew this diagram and wrote down all the different things or ways that I would identify myself.  Here are some common themes that I noticed that really helped me zone in on re-affirming what I am really passionate about, adding purpose to my life, and ensuring that I prioritize the things that matter most to me.

Themes:

• Advocacy
• Social Justice
• Woman
• Mother
• Kanaka Maoli

Essentially…Māmā.Aloha.ʻĀina.

Simultaneously, a dear friend turned me onto Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic.  It’s been very powerful reading snippets when I can.  The podcast is Magic Lessons indeed!  I’m seeing clearer and clearer visions of the lifestyle that I want to live…a lifestyle that allows me to prioritize family and raise our kids in a nurturing and creative world.

One of the pieces that was discussed on Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast is that Brene Brown defined creativity as the one unique thing that an individual will contribute to the world that is truly unique.

Thinking about this further, this question continues to be at the forefront of my mind as I continue through my day-to-day work, and in thinking about what I want my future to be.  (Speaking of which, another reason I’m thankful I continue to keep this blog even if I can’t write posts as often as Iʻd like, to have this creative outlet.)

Who are you?  What is your creative, unique gift to the world?

While I was studying for the bar exam earlier this year, I had an epiphany:  I want to become a doula!  I know I tinkered around with the idea for a while, but I think it was at this time that I finally realized that this is a priority for me.

After doing some research, in the traditional sense and also putting out feelers who are more in the know about this, I took one of the first concrete steps in training to be a certified doula by registering for a course.  While I am the beginning stages of my doula training, I feel that my training will never really end as I will continue to learn along the way.

I’m especially looking forward to being part of mom’s (and the ʻohana) lives in the special transitional period that is so magical: when a baby joins us earthside<3