māmā.aloha.ʻāina

And Shift, Cha Cha Cha

By Sharde on Sunday, January 27, 2019

For some time now I have been wanting to share some things here on my blog. I imagined a certain order and sequence that I would share different topics that I wanted to talk about. Meanwhile, time continues to fly by. I then would edit the topics that I wanted to discuss as the prior topics that I previously noted no longer felt relevant. Then I realized: by the time I actually get to a point of where I feel that things are in the “right” order and sequence that I wanted to share them, my kids might be in college by then.

So here’s to shifting with the changing ebbs and flows of life and motherhood! And shift, cha cha cha!

There are a couple of things that recently brought me to reflect on how I wanted to move forward. But really, it all comes down to TIME. The lack of time to do the things I want to do, the lightning fast speed that time is flying by, and taking this time to just do it. It’s 2019, right???!!! Here’s to being our best selves! (How do you define that, by the way? I want to know what your goals are this year! Seriously.)

So to cut to it, I have been slowly making my way through Greg Mckeown’s Essentialism, continuing my #konmari journey, saw Rachel and Dave Hollis LIVE at the showing of her their film, Rise, making strides with building my consulting business (more on this to come), working out consistently, and continuing to grow in becoming the best māmā that I can be while caring for my youngest two pēpē at home. I am continuing to define and reflect all the changes that I want to make, while also getting overwhelmed along the way in wanting to do it all at once.

But for now, here is what I know:

Be the change

you want to see in the world.

Mahatma Gandhi

Interestingly, McKeown’s book is like a #konmari for your life. What #konmari is for your house and things, Essentialism is for your life. One thing that I have been continuing to work on is trying to be balanced and being present. These different sources coupled with how I want to be the change that I want to see in the world, I am going to shift from using social media upwards of 4 hours daily (have you checked out your screen time usage on your phone???), to being more present with my keiki and real life interactions.

I thought of the option of going completely offline, but I find value and enjoy being connected online in some form. Part of the very reason that I started this blog was because of how much I value the need for us to share our story and to provide a space to have discussions on the topics raised. Similarly, I value seeing, actually seeing, real life day-to-day “normal” #momlife posts. But at the same time, I am realizing that I have a lot more that I want to say than what can be shared and discussed in a quick caption to a picture posted on Instagram.

More and more there are articles and research coming out on the negative effects of smart phones on our lives and relationships. I hope to minimize or eliminate these negative effects by keeping my cell phone usage in check. I will limit my social media use to 15 minutes per day. Yes, 15 minutes. Other than that, I will only use my phone for calls or text messages as I do need to be available because…oh yeah, #māmālife. I will dive down deeper in putting more of my online efforts towards sharing here on my blog.

If I am to be the change that I want to see in the world, here is what I will be: I will prioritize and make time to have in-person interactions in being present with those that matter to me most.

How are you being the change you want to see in the world? What are your 2019 goals? What do you want to talk about? I’m here for it all.

As I am putting more of my efforts towards my blog, I am figuring out how to further develop my blog. I added a subscription so you can subscribe by submitting your email 🙂 I promise not to spam you with a bunch of daily emails.

māmā

Who doesn’t want it all?

By Sharde on Tuesday, November 20, 2018

The never-ending battle with trying to balance and have it all continues. I think a part of me feels that one day I’ll get it. One day I’ll crack the code and figure out how to balance it all. This is not in fact true, so I continue to feel as if I’m starting all over again in trying to figure this out and how to balance it all when this topic resurfaces again to a point where it takes up most of my attention. On the other hand, do moms really have time to let this take up our time and attention? We just do it, right?!

I think this has come into focus for me again because I just had a baby, and am considering again what I am going to do in terms of work and balancing my various kuleana. At the same time, a friend shared this article with me that articulates the increasing demands of motherhood that moms are not prepared for in today’s day and age.

I disagree with this statement. I think it’s our careers and work that moms are doing that are the cause of the increasing demands. When moms first started transitioning to working outside of the home, many took on more administrative-type work. Nowadays, moms are doctors, lawyers, writers, psychologists, professional tennis players, and the list goes on. These jobs and careers are not typically jobs where you can clock in and clock out without taking work home with you, or working only 8 hours a day. These jobs are intense.

On a separate but related note, a friend recently made a comment to me along the lines of how it must be difficult for me not to work in light of the energy and effort that I put towards earning my degrees. Truth be told, I do feel at times that I’m benched and just waiting for coach to call me into the game. I don’t necessarily feel any ill feelings about this, though. Instead, I feel lucky to have the opportunity to observe and continue to do my homework. But there are times when I am just chomping at the bit waiting for the opportunity to be able to be service and bring my skills to the table.

So I still don’t have the answer. There is still a constant push/pull of wanting to work right now, but also acknowledging what I know works best for me and my ʻohana. In terms of balancing my role as māmā, my career goals, and other goals, many times I feel so lucky to be able to juggle these all. Who doesn’t want it all?

aloha māmā

Birth Story: Pēpē #4

By Sharde on Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Pēpē #4 (“#4”) is three months now, and in short, we are still adjusting but doing great. Number 4’s due date was July 18. There was a lot of excitement as baby’s due date approached with many guesses that baby would come early. I remember my Braxton Hicks getting pretty intense at times, and sometimes it felt as if there was a regular pattern around dinner time.

But in my mind, in consideration of how accurate my due dates have been in the past–my second child was born on her due date and my third child was born 2.5 hours after his due date–I thought that baby was either going to come on the due date or after. Although I thought this, I also felt more and more uncomfortable as our due date approached. I remember feeling the need to stay close to home, not stay out too long, and the importance of resting up as much as possible before baby was born.

Similar to all of my babies’ births so far, #4 came during the night. In preparation for #4’s birth, and reflecting on our last birth with Pēpē #3, we wanted to make sure that we would be able to get the tub set up quickly. Lightning speed quick. I remember telling my husband that he better do some drills, or what ever he needs to do, in order to make sure that the tub is ready this time.

On the days leading up to baby’s birth, this time it felt different than this period of waiting before the births of my other babies. For the first time, I wasn’t too anxious or focused on getting everything ready. Things were ready…enough, I guess you could say. I felt very relaxed and happy just doing nothing. I would drop off the kids at school/daycare, then go and enjoy nature at the park. It was wonderful.

The night before baby was born, a dear friend texted me in a way to subtly let me know that baby would be born that night. I felt ready. Despite having birthed babies more than once at this point, I still feel as if it’s the first time in many ways. But like with every preparation for birth, we prepare as much as we can. Getting ready in every aspect: physically, mentally, emotionally.

In anticipation for baby’s arrival, I knew for sure that I needed to get to bed as early as possible. I remember sleeping lightly. It was probably partially excitement, and partially nervousness. While half-sleeping, I remember feeling some Braxton Hicks and doing my best to not focus on it too much. Then my water broke.

Pop! I remember thinking, “did my water just break? Nah…just go back to sleep. Oh wait, I think my water broke.” Then I stood up, and sure enough, my water broke.

Noticing the pattern of my prior births, I went to the bathroom to wipe up and immediately told my husband that it was time. I think it’s when my water breaks that that turns a switch in my mind and it’s “all business” so to say. “Business” in terms of being disciplined and doing what we prepared and practiced with regards to tools and pacing that I know works for me while laboring and preparing for baby’s transition to Earthside.

Unlike our last birth, my mom came to pick up my older kids and got to our place relatively quickly. I remember hearing her voice and her asking my husband a bunch of questions while I was laboring in our bedroom. I closed our bedroom door so that I was better able to focus on remaining relaxed and breathing.

Before we knew it, the contractions were intense and it felt like it was time.

Oh wait, did I mention that my midwife didn’t arrive yet? Haha Oh yeah, minor detail. (Half serious.)

I went to the bathroom, and I was ready to get in the tub. All of my husband’s drills and training paid off: the tub was ready! At this point, I didn’t know how dilated I was. All I knew is that the contractions were intense and I figured that if it was too early and if my contractions “stalled”, then I would just get back out of the tub. If anything, I would just get in the tub for a breather then get out if I needed to.

After getting in the tub, and I will never forget this, my husband asked me, “do you want me to check how dilated you are?” At the time I was thinking, “WTH! Um….wait, did our midwife tell my husband to ask me that?” I told my husband, nah. Even ’til this day, I trip out thinking about how my husband asked me this; he gettum 😉

The water is so helpful to me, but I also remember feeling so much pressure still.

Our midwife’s assistant arrives, and I remember thinking to myself, “ok, baby is going to come now.”

Then it happened.

Without any thought or conscious effort, this force and wave of energy seemed to push thru me to bring baby forth. In.One.Push. In one push, baby went from inside of me to outside of me. Baby hung out with head exposed until the next wave of energy came to being completely exposed.

I embraced baby and brought baby to my chest. This moment is like no other. Time stands still. Everyone and everything else in the room seems to fade away. All the pain and what ever brought us to this point fades away.

It wasn’t until minutes after holding baby on my chest did we realize to check if baby is a girl or boy. Itʻs a GIRL!!! Healthy.

If I had describe this birth in one word, it would be “peaceful.” Even with baby’s speedy transition, two hours from the time my water broke ʻtil the time she was born, I felt very much at peace.

We are filled with so much aloha and so thankful. In awe and giving thanks.

māmā

Is This a Phase, or Is This the My New Normal?

By Sharde on Sunday, April 29, 2018

Go, stop, go, stop, go, go, go, stop. Perhaps this has been an evident pattern with my sporadic blog posting. This pattern that I’m referring to is how I feel it is to try to ebb and flow as I transitioned into motherhood, and now trying to balance/juggle my personal, career, and everything else in between.

So my question is: is this just a phase? Or is this my new normal?

Maybe it’s just a phase and once my kids are older it will be easier? Or maybe not. Maybe this is my new normal and it’s about adjusting to juggling these different aspects.

My guess is that this is my new normal.

While motherhood surpasses all of my expectations and dreams that I have of what a wonderful love this special kūlana (status) of māmā would be, there are also times when I feel guilty. Guilty that I can’t be there for my kids at all times because I need to work. Guilty at work because I can’t participate in all the fun social stuff, or do every work trip, or sometimes just showing up to the office is a challenge. Then I re-call what my co-worker told me recently: “…part-time Sharde is better than no Sharde at all.” I do work part-time, so I think he meant this quite literally. But then I thought about how this applies to other areas of my life as I try to balance and juggle it all.

It feels especially challenging at times, especially when I don’t check myself and have a mahalo i ka mea i loaʻa perspective (see previous blog post), because it feels as if I need to do double or triple the work just to keep up. Or perhaps I’m not doing something right?

Work-life balance, does it really exist? Can a mom really have it all–career, personal, and family life? These topics and questions are written about and talked about often. What do you think: is this my new normal?

aloha māmā

Changing My Perspective: Mahalo Mahalo Mahalo!

By Sharde on Sunday, April 29, 2018

This is still a work-in-progress, and I think it will be a constant process for me, but it has been a reoccurring theme in my life of being sure to mahalo i ka mea i loaʻa (to be thankful for what we have). It’s usually easier, or my first instinct, many times to think of, “oh but what I really wanted was this,” or “ugh, we still don’t have that,” or “if this would just happen then all of our problems would be solved.”

This process has been ironic for me as I would say I’m usually a positive, optimistic, half glass full-type of person. It has taken some time for me to realize the effects of my negative, deficit thoughts, and how it’s easy to get caught in this downward spiral.

When I stop myself in these negative thoughts, and change it to a positive, I already feel the positive effects in my life even though nothing may have actually changed (except for my perspective).

To further this practice, I usually try to take a moment during the day–for me, usually first thing in the morning and/or at night before fall asleep–to take a moment to pause and think about all that I am thankful for.

How do you practice gratitude?

aloha ʻāina māmā

Necessity Beget Puʻipuʻi

By Sharde on Saturday, April 28, 2018

As the saying goes, “necessity is the mother of innovation.” For many years, I had all these dreams and aspirations of sewing this, that, and the other. I would go to craft fairs and not buy many things because I would tell myself, “psh…I can make that.” In all seriousness, the only thing that I had previously sewn was the veil for our wedding. Nevertheless, after many years of having my mom’s sewing machine, losing the pedal to the sewing machine, getting rid of the sewing machine, accidentally buying an embroidery machine thinking it was a duo sewing/embroidery machine, I finally got my hands on a sewing machine.

But it wasn’t until a couple years of having my sewing machine did I finally put it to use. There was always something else that I felt should take priority. At one point it was that I didn’t want to get distracted as I was in law school. After law school, I took the bar…multiple times. Even while taking the bar, I didn’t want to open my sewing machine for fear of getting distracted.

Long story shorter, the time has finally come.

Interestingly, the timing may be just right as this “extra” (not really extra, it’s more so needed) income is coming just in time to support my ʻohana as our ʻohana continues to grow. Puʻipuʻi, my sewing creations that captures the youthful essence in everyday aloha wear has been born.

I am so thankful to have this creative outlet, for the warm support by many, and to be able to help a little with supporting my ʻohana financially.

There is so much more that I could say about Puʻipuʻi–how I chose this name, why I am doing this, how much I enjoy it–but I’ll share those in a separate post.

If you’re not already following us, follow us on Instagram @puipuihawaii or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/puipuihawaii .

aloha māmā

For My Husband: Mahalo and I Love You!

By Sharde on Saturday, April 28, 2018

As we prepare for our fourth pēpē (baby), I felt the urge to want to share this. I think I’m finally able to articulate these feelings, and we’ve some how figured out how to get better at communicating what we need from each other to work as a team. I know a lot of other moms can relate to this, but I write this for my husband. Not because he demands an explanation or anything like that, but more so because I know we sometimes hear each other differently when the message is delivered in different forms. But mainly, I write this as a mahalo to him as well for loving me through these transitions as we build our ʻohana and navigate the constant changes…yet things really being much of the same.

There are just some super powers, which some refer to as a “mother’s instinct,” that I believe wāhine do possess. Whether it’s knowing how when our keiki are coming down with a cold, or watching out for keiki #2 because you know she’s clumsy, or simply a naʻau (gut) feeling that “x” will happen. It really is quite crazy sometimes how I can sit up at night thinking about what we are getting prepared for in the coming day and all the possible scenarios that cross my mind of what could go wrong.

All of this may sound pretty crazy, but it’s real. And I know I am not the only one.

(To my husband:)

So mahalo for loving me through it all, and most of all, your patience. I know I haven’t been as patient…in fact, I’m usually the opposite: impatient. Nothing ever seems fast enough for me. I will try to be more patient. But I hope this will help to explain why I’m so impatient. From my perspective, I had already played this scenario in my mind and anticipated this happening. Most times I feel like I’m benched during the game–whether I’m sitting and breastfeeding, under limited activity while I’m pregnant, or just plain tired–and I see you playing the game and want to cheer you on. I know my “cheers” may sound more like orders, so I will work on that too.

I know I don’t always acknowledge or express my gratitude as often as I should, but mahalo for all that you do. I will work on being better at that too.

MAHALO and I love you.

Uncategorized

Adulting?

By Sharde on Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Me and my ʻohana just got back from a wonderful ʻohana trip to the Big Island for Merrie Monarch. As we’re adjusting back to reality, I’m hoping to hold on to these feelings to try to be more balanced. Is this what “adulting” is–trying to balance the stresses of life while living in the moment ?

Maunakea in the distance.

Since having kids, I think I’ve been very fortunate to strike a balance with being able to be at home with my babies as long as possible, while also trying to pursue my career goals. For me, this has manifested itself with various jobs and experiences. Working part-time seems to be the best for me and my ʻohana where I feel like I’m able to juggle all of my kuleana…at least most of the time.

At the same time, it hasn’t been easy. I am thankful and appreciative for the flexibility and understanding of my employers, but although I usually work officially “only part-time,” I still end up working at least 30 hours a week…and probably think about work more than I should. Financially, things are also tight with a growing family being supported (basically) by one income.

ʻŌhiʻa lehua growing so effortlessly aside the walking path to Akaka Falls (pictured in the background).

Going to the Big Island as an ʻohana really helped to put things into perspective. It was a nice break from our usual hustle and bustle. And instead of my usual stress about ensuring we’ll have enough money for this, that and the other, we just enjoyed the moment. I was also reminded that our current situation–where our apartment feels like the walls are closing in, our van is on it’s last leg, etc.–is temporary. Our kids are flourishing despite not having the big house with the yard that I always envisioned…and it’s ok. That will come.

Now that we’re back home and adjusting back to “reality,” I feel re-energized and I’m reminded why we are working so hard. Part of me is back to thinking of how many hula girl outfits (more on this later, but if you haven’t already, follow @puipuihawaii on instagram and facebook) I need to sell to do this, or how many months it will take for that, but I am reminded that it will all be worth it.

The Big Island is such a magical place, and being there during Merrie Monarch is even more special. I am thankful for the memories that me and my ʻohana created, and also for the boost of mojo to get back to our grind.

aloha māmā

Ready or Not! 2018

By Sharde on Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Holy smokes! Time is flying!!! It’s been wayyyyy too long since I’ve posted, but I’m happy to be back!

This year has been a whirlwind so far. How has it been for you?

I think it was last week (yes, the beginning of April), when I FINALLY cracked up and actually wrote something in my Passion Planner. Geesh!

With about a quarter of the year gone, how are you progressing towards reaching your goals?

Not sure if you’ve heard but I’m pregnant! We’re rocking and rolling as an ʻohana of five right now, and will welcome pēpē #4 this summer. So some plans have changed, and some are still the same 😉 I’m learning to just roll with it.

Am I the only one that feels like this year is flying by?

aloha māmā

2017 Reflections

By Sharde on Friday, December 15, 2017

As 2017 is coming to a close, I am excited for the start of a new year, and also reflecting on all that has transpired over the year. Quite honestly, as it seems that these are shared feelings with many people I know, 2017 was…challenging at times, and perhaps we could call it a “building” year. But yet, I remember conscious efforts that I have made and continue to do to remind myself how much has really gone on this year. For one, we had a baby! To further mahalo all of the experiences had in 2017, these next upcoming posts will highlight some of the lessons that I seem to have been a strong theme for me throughout the year.

A lesson that I continue to struggle with is balance. Balancing self, family, and the various roles that I play, and the various things we are involved in as an ʻohana. Reflecting upon this lesson, that I know will be a life-long marathon-type journey, I should also acknowledge that I took the leap and made changes in my life, and effectively impacted my ʻohana, to prioritize what we (my husband and I) felt needed to be prioritized: our ʻohana. I left a job that I enjoyed to take care of my baby and ʻohana. It was a difficult decision as I enjoyed the job that I was at, but also knew that I wanted to be home with my baby and care for my ʻohana. At the same time, I made this decision in taking the leap to pursue my goal of developing a business that I knew I wanted to pursue but did not yet know how that would take shape.

In the end, as in the end of the year since this is an on-going lesson, I think the lesson is this: live your life the way you want to live it and share your magic with the world. There are only 24 hours in a day. It is too easy to go through life where the days pass you by, you put off doing “x” ’til “when you have time,” or even just struggling day-to-day. Why spend the majority of your day working a job that isn’t where you want to be, or isn’t your fullest self of what you want to share with the world? Or perhaps this looks like sticking with your job because of “x,” but hustling outside of work to transition to that THING that makes your heart sing. Maybe it’s your hobby of doing some kind of craft, maybe it’s exercising, maybe it’s starting a side hustle? What ever it is, do it. DO. IT.

As a friend told me, “Dream. Ok, now dream BIGGER.” What ever your “it” is, another way to look at it may be to think about what your perfect day would look like. Does it involve eating breakfast? Exercising? Reading a book? Talking with a friend? Design your day for your ultimate happiness (and I can almost guarantee your health will improve because of it too!). What have you got to lose?

What is your magic that you want to share with the world? What is that “it” piece that is part of your perfect day? The wise and widely-discussed question (not my words): What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?