There are many articles and discussions on the topic of when a parent decides whether to be a stay-at-home-parent. Especially within the time since I have become a parent, I think it is becoming more common for dads to be the stay-at-home-parent. It was not until becoming a mom did I realize how difficult it is to have to put your child with a stranger to go back to work. On top of that, our kids are only young for such a short period of time. There are many factors that go into deciding whether to be a stay-at-home-parent, but it seems that the articles and discussions on this topic primarily and solely focus on the financial factor.
Before digging in deeper, I want to make it clear that my criticism (if it is viewed as such) is with the larger system itself. Many other countries provide mothers with one year (or more) of paid leave! Paid leave! Also, my view of a stay-at-home-parent is not necessarily one that strictly stays home and solely cares for their children. A stay-at-home-parent may also be a work-at-home-parent. I also see all of us, those that decide to go back/continue working and those that decide to be a stay-at-home-parent, as equals. Going back to work or being a stay-at-home-parent, either of which, is not necessarily the best fit for everyone (obviously). Each family, each person, has to make this decision for themselves and we are all doing our best.
Through discussions with fellow stay/work-at-home-parents and parents, generally, here are factors that are often considered in whether one parent should stay home to care for the child(ren):
- the costs of daycare to income ratio,
- whether the parent that would be the stay-at-home-parent enjoys working,
- other benefits secured by employment,
- children’s needs.
What I think these articles fail to acknowledge and include in their discussions is the potential benefits that will result when a mom decides to stay home. There are benefits for the mom, child(ren), and the family unit as a whole. These benefits have short-term and long-term effects.
Taking cue from Dr. Ye Nguyen’s prompt on “what if,” I encourage us all to continue to do what ever is best for each individual and that individual’s ʻohana. Similar to how it was once “radical” to think that a woman would be anything but a housewife, I hope that the the variations of working/part-time work/full-time work/work-at-home-mom or parent/stay-at-home-parent becomes not so radical. So, what if we put our children first? What if we were all supported to live our lives however we wanted to without fear of whether we could survive financially on one income? What if the financial factor was not a concern in deciding whether to put your children first? What if the cost of living was actually affordable for a growing family? What if we didn’t have to worry about x, y, or z in deciding whether to put our children first? What if society supported moms to go back to work that allowed her to fulfill all of her commitments to her family as well? What if society supported dads to do the same? What if?
Articles on this topic: