In various aspects of our lives, it seems that the constant struggle and goal is achieving balance. Balancing play with work, or balancing rest with activity. We, baby (37 weeks) and I, just finished the bar exam this week. As we adjust back to “normal” life, and in further preparation for baby’s arrival, the constant struggle with achieving balance has re-centered itself to the forefront of my mind. I definitely don’t have all the answers, and hope that you will share how you achieve balance. What is balance?
I think I am not only struggling with figuring out what balance is–what that looks like, how does one maintain balance, etc.–but I am also riddled by society’s expectations. Why is a mom expected to return to work 6-8 weeks after baby is born? Why does one (male or female) have to work? Sure, there’s the obvious answer of needing to make money. But, really? I wouldn’t describe myself as lazy, and I understand the reality of having to do “adult”-like things and pay our bills, but there must be a bigger reason. Sure, I can see that when one has the “right” job that they’re meant to do, that one is passionate about, then the work may not seem like “work.” But does this job also afford for flexibility to allow for one’s family to be a priority?
Again, I do not have the answers. But, the way I see it, I would seek a job that would allow me the flexibility to ensure that my family remains a priority. Perhaps this looks like allowing me the flexibility to bring my baby to work. Perhaps this looks like my employer providing child care at my job. Perhaps this looks like being allowed flexible hours, or even flexible work locations (e.g., the ability to work from home). My husband often jokes with me that it is ironic that I am a stay-at-home mom considering that I went to school to earn three degrees. And during our most recent discussion on the topic, the topic of this blog and this constant struggle began to crystallize. What job is more important than raising your kids?
Our family goal and plan is for me to stay home with baby for at least the first year. We did this with our first child, and found it to be meaningful not only for me as the primary provider, but also for our daughter. In order to make this happen, we’ve had to make sacrifices. And just for further context, while I would describe our lives as being very fulfilling and rich with all that we have, we are a family size of four with moderate income living in Hawaiʻi (a place that has a well-documented high cost of living). While I may not have all the answers, we do have our ideals and hope to make it work.
How do you achieve balance? In an ideal world, how would you describe the perfect job? What are some things that you think a job could offer to enable you to make your family a priority?